Apparently 8 inches just isn't enough...

So, it's that time of the year again.  Time for the wife's birthday, which is an opportunity to go to extra effort to make it a special day and make her extra happy.  And of course, it means there will be a cake in the apartment.  Mmmmm.....cake....  Which means at least a week of cake, since it's just the 2 of us. 

So when the birthday came around last year, I asked Kristen, "what kind of cake do you want".  She replied that her favorite type of cake is german chocolate cake.  Now then, I've made plenty of chocolate cakes from scratch, so I figured, ok, no biggie, another chocolate cake, I just pick up a pack of german chocolate from the grocery store, some coconut and pecans for the frosting, and I'm on my way.

Not so fast...

I don't remember the details, but somehow I didn't check the ingredient list close enough last time when shopping.  Plus, somehow I got sidetracked and didn't get the cake made on time.  Which, whatever, that was fine.  Somehow I think it was a month later before I made the belated birthday cake.  And, I get the chocolate out, gather my ingredients, and....wtf?  This thing calls for 8 fucking eggs?  And I have to separate them and whip up the egg whites?  And then mix that into the batter?  But....but.....my mixer only has one bowl.  Either I have to whip up the egg whites, transfer them to another bowl, whip up the batter, and add the egg whites.....or, to save time, I do the egg whites by hand in another bowl, so I don't have to clean the mixer bowl for the batter. 

It worked, I knew it would, but damn was my arm tired after that.

Plus, before I even got started, after I got back from the store with eggs, I find it calls for buttermilk.

Buttermilk?  Wtf. 

I swear, whoever came up with this god forsaken recipe of a chocolate cake, sat down, and thought to himself, or herself....what would be the most difficult way to make a cake?  I know, lets have it call for buttermilk, since that is something that is never found around the house, so it will definitely call for a special shopping trip.  Lets make it 3 layers, so that those people that have 2 cake pans for their common box cake will not have the necessary equipment.  Instead of just greasing the pan, we need to spray the sides, and put waxed paper in the bottom.  Lets require whipping up the egg whites....no, we're not making meringue, I just feel like making you have to use another bowl, separate all the eggs, and whip up egg whites, why not?

So, I was at a point where I couldn't push this off any further since I was already over a month late on this damn cake, I made 2 special shopping trips, and I find.....wtf?  It calls for 3 layers, and I only have 2 pans.  And I don't have waxed paper or cooking spray.  Fuck this, it's a fucking chocolate cake, I'm doing this the way that works for any damn chocolate cake.  2 layer cake, grease and flowered pans.

Well, while the edges were clearly finished and couldn't spend any more time in the oven, i had a soft middle

Fucking 3 layer cake. 

I was screaming and swearing up and down the entire time I was making this cake that I would NEVER make this fucking god awful cake ever again.  No way in hell.  Not a chance.  This is not how to make a cake, this is just some asshole coming up with a method to torture people that like trying to make different cakes. 

Well, despite the issues, Kristen loved the cake, and now enough time has passed that despite the fact I clearly remember the cursing and misery, I think to myself, well, it won't be as bad this time since I know what I'm in for.  And this time, I'll make sure to have everything I need to properly make this cake.

So, the recipe does call for 9" cake pans.  But, I have 8" pans.  Big fucking deal, I'll just get a 3rd pan, and that should clear up the issue I had last time with it not cooking through with too much batter in the pans.  Besides, 8" is more than enough.  I don't have a cake plate, I just put it on a normal plate, so adding another inch is going to make for less room around the outside of the plate.  And it just makes more sense to only buy one cake pan to go with the ones you already have, than to buy 3 whole new pans.  It's not like these are old pans handed down for generations, we got them when we moved in together around 4 or 5 years ago.  Surly I can still find these types of pans.

So, at the grocery store, I pick up the box of german chocolate, we get plenty of eggs, buttermilk, coconut, pecans, evaporated milk, and all the other stuff this damn cake calls for.  But, the cake pan selection at the grocery store was limited to 9" pans.  Oh well....we'll just go to walmart tomorrow.

Which is today.

Tomorrow is her birthday, so I need to make the cake tonight.  So, I reviewed the recipe, which was tucked away inside the box, and that's when I discovered, oh yes, that's right, it also calls for waxed paper and cooking spray.  Ok, well, we'll get those when we're out at walmart for the cake pans.

So, we go to walmart.  And, at walmart, they had a variety of different 9" cake pans to choose from.  And kits of baking supplies that also include 9" cake pans.

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?

Walmart is no longer carrying 8" cake pans? 

Ok, fuck walmart, we'll go to target.

Same thing there.  Same make and model cake pans actually.

I went to the mall, checked out sears, pennys, macys, and kohls.  They all had the same shit.

Same shit everywhere I went.

WHY EVEN BOTHER HAVING MULTIPLE STORES?????

THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!  NO WONDER WALMART IS PUTTING ALL YOU CHUMPS OUT OF BUSINESS, YOU DON'T CARRY ANYTHING DIFFERENT AT ALL!!!!!!

WHY THE HELL WOULD I EVER BOTHER TO GO SHOP SOMEPLACE THAT JUST CARRIES THE SAME SHIT AS EVERYONE ELSE DOES????

HUH????

AND, WHO THE FUCK DECIDED OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS THAT WE'RE DOING AWAY WITH 8" CAKES?  I DIDN'T GET THIS MEMO.

WAS THERE SOME KIND OF INTERNATIONAL MEETING OF BAKED GOOD SIZES THAT I WASN'T AWARE OF?

"Now see here, people just aren't eating enough cake.  And we really need to increase our sale of flour, since the ridiculous price increases on it are just not helping boost our financial income enough.  What can we do.  Yes....the fat guy in the back.  Right, you're all fat.....um.....you in the chef hat.....um....whatever, one of you guy speak"

"What if we made all recipes call for 9" pans, and stopped making 8" pans, thus increasing the amount of ingredients needed, and increasing the portion sizes for everyone as well.  Plus, this will help the cake pan industry by forcing everyone with 8" pans to replace them with 9" pans"

"Yes, bingo, brilliant.  From this day forward, no longer will we offer 8" pans in stores, and all boxes and recipes shall demand a 9" pan."


Well, you know what, whoever is responsible for this?

FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING 9" CAKE PANS.  MAYBE I LIKE 8 INCHES OF CAKE.  MAYBE 8 INCHES IS ENOUGH FOR SOME OF US.  MAYBE IT'S NOT HOW BIG THE CAKE IS, BUT THE QUALITY OF THE CAKE THAT COUNTS!!!!

SO, TAKE YOUR 9 INCHES OF CAKE, AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, this didn't help, because while I could probably find a pan online, I need to bake a cake today.  So, one last store I could check.  K Mart.  I figured, they're about 5 years behind at least, maybe they'll still have 8" pans.  Well....certainly the decor is dated.  They're still sticking with that ugly orange and brown color scheme?  Really?  Uh.....the 70s called, they want their ugly orange and brown back. 

So, while the K-Mart decor is still stuck in the 70s, even K-Mart is carrying the same shit that every other damn store is carrying.  Once again, I have no reason to go to K-Mart, there is nothing they can offer me that I can't get anywhere else, unless I happen to like shopping in ugly buildings.

So, defeated, I bought 3 new 9" cake pans, along with waxed paper and cooking spray. 


To whoever is behind this conspiracy to rid the world of 8" cakes and pans, fuck you!  Really, fuck you!

Seriously, Microsoft, restart means restart, ok means ok.

I am getting fucking sick and tired of this shit.


When I click start - restart, and then click the ok button, that means I want the computer to restart.

That is really pretty fucking simple.

I select restart, I confirm with an ok.  What I want is for the computer to restart, and I've communicated that in a simple way.



What I don't want is  TO PLAY A FUCKING GAME OF 20 FUCKING QUESTIONS WITH MY COMPUTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SERIOUSLY, MICROSOFT, WHEN I SAY RESTART AND CLICK OK, THAT MEANS I WANT THE COMPUTER TO RESTART!!!!!!!!!!!

What I don't want is the computer to inform me that it has to stop certain processes in order to restart and to check with me that it is ok.



NO SHIT SHERLOCK!  IN ORDER FOR THE COMPUTER TO RESTART, ALLLLLLLLLLL PROCESSES HAVE TO BE STOPPED!  I UNDERSTAND THAT, AND ALREADY INDICATED I'M OK WITH THIS WHEN I CLICKED OK FOR RESTARTING!!!!!!!!!!!!  JUST STOP THE FUCKING PROCESSES AND RESTART THE MOTHERFUCKING MACHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Did anyone in microsoft ever stop to think that someone might be multitasking, very busy, have lots of things to get done in a short period of time, and NEED SOMETHING TO FUCKING HAPPEN RIGHT WHEN I COMMAND IT TO DO SO?

What I don't need is to make an announcement that a server will be rebooted at 9 and back up by 9:15, send the restart command at 9, and find at 9:15 that THE SESSION IS STILL OPEN ASKING ME IF I'M OK WITH IT STOPPING A CERTAIN PROCESS IN ORDER TO DO THE RESTART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I have no option but to click ok and MAKE THE SERVER GO DOWN WHEN EVERYONE IS EXPECTING IT TO BE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Seriously, microsoft.  Seriously.  I ask of you, if you can make your OS do one thing, MAKE IT FUCKING RESTART WHEN I RESTART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN YOU HANDLE MAKING AN OS THAT IS CAPABLE OF SHUTTING DOWN AND RESTARTING?  IS THAT TOO COMPLICATED FOR YOU TO GET RIGHT?  IS IT?  IS IT REALLY?  IS IT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR A RESTART COMMAND THAT ACTUALLY WORKS?

Fuck texting.

Hi, I'm Gators, and I hate texting.

I FUCKING HATE TEXTING!!!

I remember years ago sitting the the Wal*Mart break room, watching people write texts on their cellular telephones, thinking how stupid this is.  This was before having some form of a full keyboard on a phone was typical, people were using their number pads, with 3 letters to each key, to type out sentences.  I didn't get it, why in the hell would someone go through all that shit to type out a sentence that could be spoken so quickly, on a device that has the capability of making a phone call to the phone you are writing the text to?  You got something to say to someone, make the call and say it, don't fiddle with your damn number pad trying to type out words.  God, fucking idiots.

But, whatever, if people want to be idiots, that's their god given right.

Then I remember one Easter sitting around at a family gathering, my sibblings in different corners of the room.  Every now and then a rumble came from their pocket, they'd take out a phone, press some buttons, and put the thing back in their pocket.  WTF?  Oh....we're just texting our friends.  Um, HELLO!  You're holding a phone, just call them. 

But, once again, whatever, if people want to do these stupid things that make no sense to me, whatever, it's not like it effects me.

But, somehow my siblings have got my dad doing it now.  And the work issued phone I used has texting abilities, and I can't turn it off.  I wish you had to opt in to texting.  Instead, it's that you have to opt in to a plan, otherwise you just get charged a buttload for them.  There seems to be no opting out.  It would be nice to be able to say, "well, I'd love to be able to get texts from you, but this darn phone.....doesn't do texting.....oh well, just give me a call if you have anything to say, or send an email"  But NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I have this device that accepts texts in my pocket now.

But, whatever, so the occasional text from Dad hasn't been that unmanageable, a quick ok, or a "I'm good tnx, u?", or if it's something I need to say in more than a quick line I can just call and go, well, I figured I'd just call.

But then you start getting texts about things that, maybe texting wasn't meant for, and then I have to figure out how to deal with that, using a medium I hate to begin with.

So, today I get a text from my dad that my step mother's surgery has just finished and she's in recovery and he's going in to see her soon.



What do I text back to that?


Do I ignore it?  I mean, it seems like the kind of thing that warrants a reply.

Do I type a quick text back?  This seems like something that requires more than a "k, tnx, bye"

Do I call?  I mean, he's about to go in to see her, perhaps now isn't a good time for him to be occupied on the phone.

So now I'm stuck trying to figure out, what to say, which I would struggle with enough just talking, but in a format that I'm completely uncomfortable with, and want to keep the message short since I can't stand the two thumbed method of typing.

Damn you, brother and sisters, you got our dad texting, and now I have to deal with that.

Arrrgggghhhhh.....

Well, after bitching about it enough, Kristen said "oh here, give me the damn phone, I'll text back"


Problem solved.


I fucking hate texting.