A little social experient.

It has come to my attention that 1 Damon Fibraio has decided to give me his undivided attention.  Now, this Damon Fibraio is a person who
A. Is part of the management team at www.nhbradio.com
B. Has a lot of opinions of which I don't care about
C. May or may not have touched a young boy by the name of Billy.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm perfectly willing to follow the policies put forward by the management team of www.nhbradio.com.  But, I'm sick of Damon's whining, bitching, complaining, and constant repetition of his opinions.

So, since he's decided to turn his focus to my twitter account, I've decided to start using a random tweet generator.  This is why my tweets are going to start to get a little weird for a bit.  I'm not sure how long I'm going to do this for, but it should be fun to see what reactions this social experiment gets.

A 2nd class TV viewer.

I'm really getting fed up with the asshats that are running the TV networks these days.  Quite often I've found myself saying, "those damn executives over at (insert TV network here) need to have a window installed in their stomach just so they can see where they are walking." 

I seem to be a minority when it comes to TV viewing.  I like humor.  But I like intelligent humor.  Don't get me wrong, I like a good dick or fart joke as much as the next guy.  And I do own all the Beavis and Butthead DVDs.  Although I wish the music industry would get it's head out of it's ass so that a proper DVD set with music videos could be released, but that's a whole other rant.  But, there were so many shows that have been killed in their prime, that were very funny, and intelligent.  Right off the top of my head, Arrested Development comes to mind.  Only 3 seasons?  Really? 

But that's not what has me pissed off tonight.

Once again, I've had that familiar feeling of being screwed over because of some shitty sports programming.  Apparently there are some people in this world that are entertained by cars going around in circles.  While I am tempted to talk about just how stupid that is, and question what moron would be entertained by cars going around in circles, I am reminded that my Dad will always put the TV on for a race.  I guess the car nut gene skips a generation.  So, ok, fair enough, some people like watching cars go around in circles. 

But, I have to ask the question, why in the hell do they get special preferential treatment to the rest of us?

In this world, we are taught the values of commitment, taught to honor our commitments.  That it is rude to be late to an appointment.  If you schedule or announce something, that it is rude not to follow through on it.  But, somehow, sports programming seems to trump common decency in this country.  Never mind the fact that 8:00 pm on a Monday evening is the regular time slot for House.  Never mind that there is a new episode that is scheduled this week in that time slot.  Never mind the fact that there has been advertising running all week long enticing us to tune in to that slot.  Somehow, a bunch of morons that can't do anything more than drive a fast car around in a circle trumps this schedule that some of us were counting on.  Then, on top of that, it turns out that other time zones did get to see the new House episode.

Well, how do you like that?

When do we get to watch it?  Huh?  Did you give any consideration to those of us that watch your programming week after week, saw your schedule, watching your advertising, and prepared to watch this show, based on your announcements?  Do you have any thought for us, your regular viewers, at all?

And this isn't the first time I've had this happen.   And then, if I dare to complain to fox, they act like I'm the bad guy.  In Maine, apparently the police department doesn't have enough real work to fill their schedule, so they have to waste my time for stupid shit like this.  One Sunday evening, after doing my show, I did my normal routine of getting some dinner together, sitting in front of the TV, and turning on Fox for an evening of Simpsons, Family Guy, and such.  And...what was on? 

FUCKING CARS GOING IN FUCKING CIRCLES!!!!!!!!!

Oh hells no.  And this was like the 2nd or 3rd time they did this to us recently.  So I looked up our local Bangor affiliate, called their number, picked a random employee from the directory, and left a piece of my mind on their voicemail.

Next thing I know, officer McClaron of the Bangor police department is harassing my roommate, shaking him down for my work number, and then I have a police officer calling my place of work, asking to talk to me.

Talk about ridiculous.

Apparently leaving your opinion on a voicemail is a fucking federal offense or something.  I made no threats of any kind, just conveyed to Fox my displeasure in their scheduling, or lack of.

Well, Fox, you live in a time where, we don't have to put up with your shit anymore.  Network broadcasting is becoming less and less relevant.  And if you keep dicking us around and treating us like 2nd class TV viewers, we aren't going to take it anymore.

That's right.

Fuck you and your little TV operation there.  I don't need you anymore.  That's what torrents are for.

What?  You don't want me to download the programming from a torrent, and watch it on my terms?  You want to claim that that is illegal and copyright infringement.

Well, you know what?

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

I've given you more than enough chances.  I'm done being treated like a 2nd class TV viewer.  I'm not watching TV on your terms anymore, I'm watching it on mine.  I'm taking TV back!

And now, if you excuse me, I'm going to go take my external hard drive that I've copied my download of this week's house to, hook it up to my Oppo bluray player, and watch me some House now.  And you damn Fox executives with your heads up your asses, you can take your Nascar racing, and go fuck yourselves.

Me fail english? That's......quite likely, actually.

A funny thing happened last night.  I was sitting in front of my computer, and as I was continuing in the long, tedious process of ripping my CDs to flac files, I heard the sound of a message coming in from facebook.  And it was one of my facebook friends asking kindly for a favor, to read over a work related official letter and give my feedback, due to me being knowledgeable and intelligent.  As I smiled a bit to myself for this very nice compliment, I thought back to my years of struggling through English class, feeling like I was the last person on earth that anyone should ever come to for advice about writing.  And yet, here I was, in a situation where someone who knew me primarily through email had thought enough of my writing style that she felt my opinion was valuable.  I said I was happy to take a look, but pointed out that I felt writing was a great weakness of mine.  She shrugged it off, pointing out she had read my rants.  So I read it and gave my comment.

Now, the thing that started me thinking is, this isn't the first time I've been complimented on my writing in recent times.  I've had a co-worker ask me for advice on some emails, and her reaction has been the same when I've mentioned how horrible I am at writing.  A bit surprised.  Somehow, these days I'm coming off as competent in writing.  Do I have everyone fooled?  Have I greatly improved from my school days?  Or were my teachers wrong all along?

I'm not sure if either of those questions deserves a yes answer (although I have a strong desire to answer yes to the last one).  I don't think I'm necessarily fooling anyone.  And I don't think that if I were to take my high school and college writing classes again that I would do better now than I did the first time around.  But, I don't think it would be fair to say my teachers were wrong.  Although, I can clearly say one of them was clearly wrong about one thing, and I had one of those great opportunities in life to subtly throw it in her face.  But, we'll get to that later...

Is ending a paragraph with three dots like that acceptable when writing an assignment for a high school or college teacher?  I'm not sure.  I'm sure there are many things I do in these posts to try and convey a feeling I have in what I'm saying, that would be dismissed as bad writing.  But, that's the thing, when I write these rants, or a multi-page email with my thoughts on why Damon is wrong and I'm right, I write them for me.  Fuck the rules.  The rules go right out the window.  And suddenly, when there are no rules, I'm writing in a manor that seems to be respectable enough for people to come to me for advice.  So, maybe the teachers need to let up on the rules some.  But, lets reflect back.....

Uh oh, more than 3 dots.  If the office has taught us anything, it's that 5 dots is just asking for trouble......  Wonder what 6 dots means then.

Anyways, as I've said, I always struggled with writing throughout school.  But I think it was High School where it really got to be something to the point of a traumatic experience that will be with me for the rest of my life.  Don't get me wrong, I had my struggles before then.  I remember being up all night the night before my paper on The Quakers was due for a 6th or 7th grade paper, struggling to finish that assignment, with help from Mom.  But, that doesn't compare to High School.  I think Junior year is where it really started to go bad.

To sidetrack a bit, I had also struggled with Biology.  Mainly because there was too much of my personal Biology going on in Biology class.  I was far more interested in the cute girl sitting behind me that I would joke around with than I was in what Mr. Rockhead had to say about Biology.  And so, somehow I was perceived as a student that should be signed into the Chemistry for the slow kids class.  Although that wasn't the official title, it was called something like selected topics in Chemistry.  When I found out what this class was, and I pressed him for an explanation, he claimed to have signed anyone up for this class that suggested they weren't going to major in Science in college.  Sounds like a lame excuse to me.  So, 2 weeks into my Junior year, after coming to the realization I was in a slow kids class where I didn't belong (not for a Science class anyways), and having time to think and reflect on if this is what I really want, I decided to request to be switched out of this class.  My hesitance was due to the fact that, I liked the teacher of this class, I had her for Freshman Science.  And she too was confused to my presence in this class.  So, 2 weeks into Junior year my schedule was juggled around, and that's how I ended up going from reading "The Catcher in the Rye" in Mrs. Gottlieb's english class, into the personal hell that was Mrs. Mahevich's English class.

Now, don't get me wrong.  Mrs. Mahevich was a nice enough person, and I never had problems with her on a personal level.  But she was a bit more focused on the writing than any other English teacher I had.  I felt a bit of panic as I started in this class, and a special folder was given to me with special instructions for writing projects.  I don't remember the details, but it was very clear to me, this was going to be one of my most difficult classes yet.  I ended up failing one of my quarters in that class, but somehow managed to pull things up enough to have a passing grade for the semester and final grades that year.  But, what was a preview of things to come was the period of time she was out, and Mrs. McKenna filled in.  The details are a blur now, but I don't recall having any serious problems with Mrs. McKenna Junior year, and while I wasn't thrilled to then have her for Senior year, I wasn't panicked either.

As Senior year developed, it became clear and obvious to everyone in the class that Mrs. McKenna had preferences in the students in her class.  Anyone who's name didn't start with J and end with onathan was preferred.  And I should point out, I was the only Jonathan in the class.  This wasn't just something I felt.  Actually, I didn't feel it.  I always figured I was dumb, but I didn't necessarily feel like I was being treated unfair at the time.  But, I have a clear memory of overhearing a conversation before class started going

"oh, I see, there's a preference to the students in this class"
"yeah, pretty much anyone that isn't (points towards me) him"

I suppose I owe Will Cursio a bit for pointing this out.  I did make an attempt to stay in touch with him, and got kicked out of class for it.  I should explain that sentence...

So, the last day of regular classes, Mrs. McKenna gave us an assignment to write a letter to our future selves.  She wouldn't say when we would get it, but it would be mailed to us at some point in the future.  So, I dealt with this the only way I could, humor.  I started writing a lame letter to the effect of "Hi me.  How am I.  I am good..."  At some point, Mrs. McKenna made the suggestion that we could exchange numbers or addresses with the person sitting next to us, so that in this future we could get in touch again and catch up.  Now, the kid sitting next to me in that class, Will Cursio, was not exactly my favorite person in the world, nor was I his.  I was picked on a lot in school, and he did a fair amount of picking on me.  At this point, we clearly did not like each other.  So, to me, the thought of asking him to exchange information was the obvious joke here.  I figured, I'd turn to him, ask him for his information, which was clearly and obviously a joke since neither of us had any desire to be in touch with each other at all, we'd have a little laugh over it, and continue with our letters.  Instead, he got all pissed off, yelled at me to leave him alone, which resulted in Mrs. McKenna immediately siding with him, and kicking me out of the class, basically telling me "I don't care where you go, just get out of here."

If ever there was a doubt to what her personal feelings were towards me, it was clear now.

But, to give an idea of how well I was doing in that class, and what the teacher thought of me, there is a story that clearly spells that out.  But first I must explain, when I was in 8th grade I had some testing done, and was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder.  As a result of this, there were certain meetings that would take place with my parents, school faculty, and members of the panel that deals with learning disabled kids.  And I would later find out that senior year, one such meeting occurred.  My mother had gone in for this meeting with the guidance counselor, someone from the panel, and one of my teachers.  The teacher for this meeting happened to be Mrs. McKenna.  From what I was told, Mrs. McKenna was very negative at this meeting, and had nothing much good to say about me.  At some point into the meeting, my Mom was asked about my progress in the SATs and college applications.  It was at this point that Mrs. McKenna scoffed, and said something to the effect of "you'd be throwing away good money sending that kid to college."  Apparently the others in the room were quite taken aback by this comment, which I imagine caused a moment of stunned silence.  Which was then followed by my mom pulling out my SAT scores of 1250, and making Mrs. Greer McKenna eat crow.

I made my way through college fine, but there were certainly some college moments where the equation D=Diploma worked in my favor.  Freshman year required 2 semesters of English that was very focused on writing.  Supposedly these classes were to prepare us for writing papers in other classes, but never in any other class was my writing judged as harshly as in these classes.  And, as you can see, I now wonder if these classes were more damaging to me than helpful.  They certainly left me with absolutely no confidence in myself to write a paper adequately.  When I sat down to write an assignment, whatever class I was writing in, an A wasn't even on my mind.  I was aiming to at least get that D, hoping for a C, with a barely attainable B a possibility.  But, I don't think I was ever hopeful for an A when turning in a paper.  I had been told my whole life I was horrible at writing.  And college writing classes were no exception to that rule.

I had Walter Labonte's writing class for 2 semesters in college, and he was a nice enough guy, someone I'd get along with perfectly fine on a personal level.  But, for a teacher.....god, I hated that class.  We had our "toolbox" of writing "tools".  To this day, when I try to explain this toolbox concept, I can't, because I don't know what tools were supposed to be in there.  I don't need to know this stuff anymore.  I'm not writing a book here, I'm just conveying my thoughts for personal or professional purposes.  I don't need to reach into my toolbox to put my thoughts into words to convey a feeling that I'm trying to convey.  Fuck the rules, they never worked for me.  But, I had to get through the class.  Somehow I did, and I think maybe I owe a bit of thanks to Walter for that.  I stumbled through the first semester well enough, but the second was really a challenge.  And to this day I wonder if I really passed.  There was a final paper that was to count for a large portion of the grade, and I really struggled with that paper.  I never really believed in the paper.  I never really believed in the topic it was on, which was people collecting things.  I didn't pick that topic, it was kind of a "well, you collect stuff, right?  Write about that"  And, well, what could I say about it?  I had nothing I felt I needed to say about collecting.  Why do I collect stuff?  I like the stuff I collect.  But, it didn't even fit what the assignment was supposed to be.  I forget what it was at this point, but he tied this in by having me work in the topic of people that collect war memorabilia.  Something I had no interest in, at all.  And, it really threw me off that the thing that was to tie this paper in with the assignment, wasn't even really the focus of the paper, just a tacked on part of the whole concept.  So, I never believed in this assignment, but I got stuck with it, and backed into a corner of writers block on things I had nothing to say about.

So, as we got down to the last weeks of class, I had a sit down with Walter to go over the progress on this paper, or lack of.  And, it was at this point he looked at me, and said something to the effect of, "Ok, Jonathan, here's what you do.  You go down to the 2nd floor, you take a left, and the 2nd door on the right is the office you want to go to.  You fill out a form to withdraw from this class, and then we'll try this again next year."  I pointed out the one flaw in this plan, which was that to withdraw from a class past the halfway point in the semester meant withdrawing with a failing grade.  He had somehow misunderstood, or remembered wrongly, that the first year you could withdraw up to the last day.  I had to remind him, no, it's only the first semester, not the 2nd.  So, to me it didn't make sense to go with a plan that meant guaranteed failure, so I proceeded with likely failure.  He continued to help me, we got the paper in some kind of shape, and somehow, I got the D I was so hoping for.

A few years later, after I graduated, I took my diploma, and made a special trip back to my High School.  I had a nice visit catching up with teachers that I had got along nicely with.  It was great to be able to share my good news of my recent graduation, catch up a bit, and see all the changes in the years I had been away from this place.  And then I made my way to Mrs. McKenna's classroom.  I had thought long and hard about the different ways I could throw this in her face.  But, I just wasn't the kind of person that could be confrontational for it.  So, I walk into the room, diploma in hand, a smile on my face, to visit Mrs. McKenna.  We both played a game of pretending to be happy to see one another, one of the weird habits of humans.  She asked, what brings you here, and with that I whipped out my diploma and said "well, I recently graduated, and wanted to show you my diploma."  She acted like she was all glad and proud, as if we ever got along, and gave me a hug, which I really did not want, but wasn't about to fight off either.  She made some comment to the effect of "oh, you even brought in the diploma to show me."  Well....I had to, otherwise you wouldn't believe it, I quietly thought to myself.  So, nothing was said about the previous events, but she knew what she had once said, and by the way I came in with the diploma in hand, I think she knew I knew, and knew why I had made that point to show her.

So, yeah, my bad experiences in high school didn't hold me back.  And may have even made me the person I am today.  But, up until now, I never really realized the damage that my experiences with writing classes really had on me.  They really left me with no confidence at all in my writing.  I've always felt like, when it comes to writing, I'm a failure, and thank god I have other things to make up for it.  But, now that I find myself in a position where people will ask me for my opinion on their casual writings, I wonder if maybe I've been wrong all along.  I'm not suggesting that I'm William Shakespeare.  (Of course not, I'm far less boring.)  But, I'm beginning to think that maybe my writing isn't as bad as I've always assumed it to be after years of being told how bad it is.

I don't know what to do.

I find myself in a position yet again where what I do for fun is turning into a frustrating and aggravating part of my life.  And I need to vent, but if I do so just about anywhere it'll result in a whole lot more frustration and aggravation from the fallout.  So, to you that is reading this, kudos to you, you are a true fan, and I appreciate it.  Not that I'm counting on anyone actually seeing this.

I was a big fan of the station.  Damon, Sloan, J-squared, Liam, Jon and Liz.....I used to listen to all those guys in automation late at night while waiting to fall asleep.  When there was the box set blowout sale, I bought that thing up so I could listen to shit in the microwave whenever I want to.  I wanted to do this stuff, I wanted to be a part of this.

Somehow that dream came true.  And now I find, I don't know if it's worth the aggravation.  I love doing my show.  I have been blessed to have been able to be a part of many different groups throughout the years I've done my show now.  Of course I knew I wanted Seth to co-host with me when I started this show, and I don't know what I'd ever do if he wanted to stop or was unable to continue doing it.  The show would never be the same if he ever left.  But, lucky for me there seems to be no sign of that day approaching yet, knock on wood.  And then having various hosts come and go, I still miss Dark Elf and Emily.  That was a really fun era of the show.  Rob was even fun to have around when he wasn't pissing me off behind the scenes.  And now with Venison, Niio and Mars around, things continue to be fun.  I love doing the show, I have a blast doing it.

It's all the behind the scenes station bullshit that gets me down.  Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want to be a leech.  I've always tried to give back to NHB, since it has given me so much and allowed me to do what I had dreamed of doing.  But, it is just so frustrating.  My friendship with Damon is at an all time low, and I just can't relate to the guy anymore.

I mean, I used to have such a good time hanging out with the guy when I could.  He invited us into his studio, we've done shows with him, both Kristen and I were pretty good and close friends with Damon.  And then that blow up happened.  I've explained it all many times.  Basically, the reason I'm not running for President in this bit we're having is, I've already been there.  A position of "power" where you can't do anything, but everyone is looking to you to do it?  Check.  Been there, done that.  What was really frustrating was to be in a position where, I wanted to make NHB shine and be awesome, Damon wanted to make NHB shine and be awesome, and yet there was nothing I could do.  He yells, he screams, he bitches, and is an all around dick, but try to work with him and get him on the phone, and he didn't have the time.  It is quite safe to say that after things blew up that one time and Damon decided to react to it by allowing me to be fired from the station and then holding a public bashing of me for an hour, things have never been the same between Damon and I.  And they certainly haven't been the same between Damon and my wife, she wants nothing to do with him, and won't speak with him.  And he won't speak with her either.  And he refuses to understand why, after the way he acted like such a dick to me when I was trying to do everything I could for the station, why Kristen would be upset with him.

But, I made a decision to come back to NHB.  Why?  Well, lets see.  I am friends with most of the people on the station.  The public bashing didn't change that.  I mean, look at the way after they spend an hour bashing me, I call in, and we all play match game, and have a good time laughing with each other.  Yes, I was fucking pissed at all of them for joining in on the witch hunt, but
A.  They needed a contestant, I stood back and waited quite a bit before I called in.
B.  The idea of, after an hour of bashing me I call in to be a contestant was just too funny to let how mad I was at them get in the way.
C.  Although I had no desire to repair my friendship with Damon at the time, I knew it would blow over as far as the rest of us were concerned.

So, I decided, screw it, Damon's idle again, things settled down, B-Spot is in a position to help me out, why not have the show in the place it originated, with the people that I've friends with?  I mean, I just felt like my show is out of context when it isn't on NHB.  NHB is what inspired my show, after all.  And I do like having a group of people to interact with to allow my show to be part of something bigger.  I like calling Vamp often and dragging him into things.  I like calling in to Addy and Gabe, or having Addy write in.  I like being a part of the station so that I can talk about things that are going on that involve other shows or other people.  Having a show that, while it stands on it's own, is part of a context, part of something bigger, is nice. 

But, once again, I find myself in a position where aggravation is entering my life.  And not by my doing or my cause. 

Now, don't get me wrong, this isn't me whining over having to do a promo.  I do disagree with the manner in which the promo policy has been made and enforced.  But, I also acknowledge that a management team has the right to come up with policies I don't agree with and enforce them.  I've already stated that I feel that a strict deadline and cut off policy isn't really productive or promoting creativity, it's just forcing out generic bland promos.  But, that's not the real issue. 

Once the deadline passed, which I missed by a few hours because inspiration finally struck at the last minute after I finished my generic promo that I hated, Rico calmly in an informational manner informed the staff list that all logins were disabled, and that people would need to go to B-spot about getting unblocked since he was going to be away.  The first message B-spot sent about any of this was an informational message that certain shows had been reactivated due to turning in the promo.

In between those message, Damon sent 6 messages.  They included things like calling the staff lazy, talking about how he needs to kick our asses to get anything done, and threatening to fire anyone that dares speak out.

Do you see a difference in management style here?

At some point, Lisa of HHR sent a message to the staff list saying that there were technical issues that prevented them from turning in a promo, and that they understand that they were being blocked due to their own inaction and didn't have a problem with it, but that she took issue with the way that Damon had to be a dick about it.  Bill never said anything to any staff.  But, if anyone took a few seconds to check on his facebook, it was easy to see what was going on.  They were missing shows due to his mixer being down.  Bill made a post on his facebook about being blocked, and he didn't take issue with it, took responsibility for it.  Apparently, he did finally get the mixer fixed, but there seem to still be technical issues that prevent them from recording.

I don't know.

But, Bill decided to simply walk away.  The only messages he sent to staff were to inform us he was leaving, and to remind us to remove him from the staff list.  And, I think his lack of reaching out to the station speaks loudly. 

Damon acted all confused, and couldn't seem to figure out why Bill didn't come to him, or say anything.  So, I sent a friendly personal email to Damon pointing out how, while Rico and B-spot were calm and professional about management issues and policy enforcement, he was a dick.  He replied to me, telling me off, and insulting me.  I simply replied "and you wonder why Bill didn't come to you."

Meanwhile, Damon continues to stir shit up with stickam.  Now, we have 2 different things going on here. 
A.  Damon's opinion on stickam
B.  Station policy about stickam

A is irrelevant to anything in my life.  Damon's opinions on stickam mean jack shit to me at this point, and I wish he'd just shut the fuck up about it already.  B., on the other hand, is relevant.  And as of now, there is no policy.  NHB has an account, it's open and free to use.  Yet, Damon wants to bitch about this and try to poke his nose into how we do our shows due to his opinion on the service. 

Now, this is an argument we've had several times, and I for one am just sick and tired of it.  I wish the jerk would just shut up already, but nothing will satisfy the guy.  Heck, back before Addy and Gabe left the network, despite my disagreement, it was decided to do away with stickam.  I had fought Damon long and hard on this, but finally got sick of it and gave up, and agreed to go along with dropping stickam.  Addy, however, had made it clear he wouldn't drop it, especially since his stream numbers were consistently low and his stickam numbers were consistently high.  Now, Damon will list his reasons for not caring about the stickam numbers and why we shouldn't care, but once again, that falls under category A.  I'll take things that mean jack shit for $500, Alex.  So, as a member of the dysfunctional management team at the time, I was given the task of delivering an ultimatum to Addy, drop stickam, or be fired.  Mind you, I disagreed with this policy, and was friends with Addy.  Talk about putting me in an uncomfortable position that I didn't want to be in.  But as a member of the station, and a friend of Damon's, who wanted to help him achieve his goals and visions (what are his goals and visions?  Ask him sometime, you won't get a clear answer), I went along, and delivered the ultimatum.  After doing this, and pissing off Addy, who refused to relent, I was told it didn't matter, that since Andrew of TIOLI didn't want to drop stickam we were keeping it.

After that, I really felt like chopped liver.  I had spent a good month arguing my position on stickam.  Explaining why I like it for my show, and how it helps my show.  How taking this away would negatively effect my show.  And how, while I respect Damon's opinions, I disagreed with them.  I appealed to Damon, as a friend, to find some way to compromise, and not take away this tool that enhanced my show.  Instead of understanding, I was ridiculed, told I was wrong, that I didn't know what I was doing, and was basically a fool for wanting to use the service.  And then, after I relent, and go along with a plan I hated, Andrew comes along and says no, and.....oh, well, in that case, we'll keep stickam. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting I was jealous of Andrew.  I just felt it was a bit unfair that Damon would back down and listen to one person, but had complete disregard for my opinion.

So, this has contributed towards me basically not caring at all about Damon's opinions or feelings towards stickam.  He has never once tried to show any bit of understanding or caring towards what I think of stickam.  Why should I care what he thinks of it?  His opinion means jack shit, the only thing I could care about at this time are policies. 

And yet, he still won't shut the fuck up about it.

And so, after it was made clear by Damon that he has no problem with shows using their own stickam accounts, and there would be no policy against that, I decided to just drop the NHB account and use my own, so that this could finally become a non issue.  And yet.....he still won't shut the fuck up about it.

Yesterday, due to his method of management, we lost a show,  a long running show that has made NHB better for having it.  And with it, we lost a dedicated staff member, a guy that was instrumental in the last big project we did, the Christmas special, a guy that went and had himself waxed to raise money for the station, that drank enough milk to make himself physically ill, a guy that has given far more to this station than most.  I tried to, as a friend, privately ask Damon if he could tone down his management style and be more like Rico and B-spot, I also asked him if he could reach out to Bill, and try to repair the situation.  Instead, he ridiculed me.  He also immediately offered up the slot, without any discussion with Bill. 

And then, after that, I tune in to his show last night, and after I nearly fell asleep from listening to the entire line up of XM Sirius stations, he decides to once again start bitching about stickam.  As I felt an urge to kill building up inside of me, I turned the stream off, and went to play some PS3.  I think the neighbors are now wondering who this Damon guy is, and why I kept yelling "die, Damon, die" at my TV screen as I ran over pedestrians in GTA IV.  (Actually, I'm exaggerating for humor, I just played some Portal 2)

So, where are we?

I'm still doing my weekly show.  I've turned in my promo.  I've dropped the NHB stickam due to Damon's opinions and rantings.  Damon still won't shut up.  And we've lost a long time show and valuable staff member.  And, I'm left wondering, is it worth being on NHB anymore?  I don't want this drama.  I don't want this aggravation.  It's easy to just say, well then don't let it bother you.  And I keep telling myself that.  But, everywhere I turn, I'm faced with aggravation from Damon and NHB it feels like.  But, somehow I know if I walk, I'll probably regret it and want to come back.  And I can't keep doing this flip flopping thing.  So I don't know what to do at this point.

Anyways, if you read this, I applaud you and thank you.